worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
