I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
