He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize