I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
