remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
