The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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