In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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