I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
