Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
