where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
