9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
