is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
