YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Me too!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ketchup is God's man juice
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
