the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize