I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
