The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
