Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
