my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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