I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
handjob tips. give me some.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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