yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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