margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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