chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
