i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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