i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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