____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
