Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We had sex on a dog bed..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
