Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
