cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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