I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm eating all of the evidence.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
