when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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