no, he came in my armpit
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
