having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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