Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
