hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
