My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
