How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
