the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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