I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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