just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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