I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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