Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
