1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
