Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
