he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
