do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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