Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
