Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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