you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
