Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
