ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize