haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
