I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
