even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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