just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
