nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
