Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
