Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have fence marks all over my body
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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