JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
