that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
