It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
