Are we in a gay sports bar?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
