Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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