she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
