Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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