Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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