she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
