sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
