The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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