just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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