bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize