I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
