Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize