I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
