I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize