: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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