On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
