I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize