I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
